Well there was absolutely no way in hell that I was going to ignore this one. No I’m not going to talk in-depth about a Mardi gras event that took place in a local nightclub last night; my hate of most things human has insured that I didn’t sample any of the festivities to any degree. Before anyone starts, it’s not because of any dislike towards gay people, I’m not homophobic in any capacity it’s just Homo sapiens in general that I have a problem with regardless of their sexuality or any other logistical factors. So in that regard I guess you could say that I am…HOMOphobic….Damn! If somebody wants to give me the dictionary definition of a person who holds prejudice against all types of people regardless of any factor other than that they walk, talk, breath and share a planet with said person in the comments section then I would be really grateful because I’m not going to look it up before I continue to hit these keys with the type of conviction that would make an onlooker think they stole from me due to the fact that my internet is currently moving with all the speed and dexterity of an overweight breeding bull wearing a blindfold that’s just been force-fed the Saturday night leftovers of a Wrexham Kebab shop.
Wow, what a largely redundant opening paragraph, as I said earlier I’m not going to focus too much on Mardi gras itself because the truth is I know very little about it. As I also said earlier that’s not because I’m in any way homophobic, yes I know I’ve been repeating myself a fair bit so far but guess what, people like Bono have been making a living off of doing the same thing for three musical generations and it doesn’t seem to have done them much harm does it? What I will say though is that the thought of the festival or event or whatever its generally known as did get me thinking about a comment that somebody made to me fairly recently regarding the subject of gay couples and public showings of affection.
The comment was something to the effect of “I have no problem with gay people and what they get up to I just have a problem when they get up to it in front of me because I don’t want to see it”. The thing that I immediately realised while writing that comment was that in less than two lines the person speaking it has managed to completely contradict himself and has also managed to state two very different opinions. I should probably commend him for this because it’s certainly something that I would struggle with, due to the fact that my spoken dialog and probably written, I don’t know you tell me, features more waffle than the frozen food section in Tesco’s.
The comment did stay with me though and it amazes me how in a society that is seemingly so tolerant towards same-sex relationships that people do still have a problem with them in this respect. I’m really not sure what it is that people are offended, scared or made to feel uncomfortable by as I tend to just look at, for example, two guys or two girls in a bar indulging in a game of Face Invader’s with each other as being pretty much just that and beyond making the observation it really doesn’t concern me. The idea of gay couples isn’t alien anywhere in Britain to my knowledge; believe me at times Wrexham is about as cosmopolitan as a Sainsbury’s own-brand packet of plain Digestives but it’s still a town that is home to a number of homosexuals.
Perhaps a few people find public acts of affection such as that described above as being uncomfortable to be around because it’s something that they themselves would never want to participate in? It’s fair enough to not want to participate, it takes an awful lot for me to break out my Chuck Norris impression but a random XY trying to stick his tongue down my throat or any other part of my body would be about as welcome as a Pig Farmer at a Synagogue so I can understand fully why someone wouldn’t want it. However, I don’t understand why they would have a problem with other people doing it in their vicinity it’s not like their expected to get involved or anything or like it directly affects them simply because it’s something they don’t want to get involved in. If I’m totally honest I wouldn’t want to get involved if it was a heterosexual act either, they say 3 is a crowd and their not lying plus I’m not a good sharer to the point that during ‘Toy Day’, the last day of term where the teacher’s abstained from their teaching duties to smoke cigarettes and occasionally give each other reach round’s in the store-room, I would leave my own toys at home and basically spend the day trying to hog everybody else’s. Despite not wanting to play lucky number 3 in a heterosexual act I certainly wouldn’t greet it with disgust, perhaps maybe just a bit of jealously depending on what the XX half of the arrangement is bringing to the party, and I certainly wouldn’t throw the culprits into my imaginary ‘We don’t like your sort around here’ box. As a result, I wouldn’t do it if I was greeted by the site of two homosexuals doing the same due to the fact that apart from a few logistics it’s essentially the same thing to me. A sign of affection, a sign of the times and a sign of, as is per-f*cking-usual, that everybody else is getting lucky tonight except me!
I don’t REALLY hate people as much as I make out in some of my posts and as a result I would love to read your thoughts on the subject. Think I’m right? Think I’m wrong? Think I make too many jokes that involve supermarket chains? Please feel free to leave a comment and many thanks for reading.